McCain vs Obama

[ostrogoth]

If John McCain is elected President of the United States then the French will immediately surrender to us. If Barack Obama is elected President then the French will immediately invade us.

 

Here an interesting fact: If you add John McCain's age and Barack Obama's age together you'll get the number of times Obama usually says "uh" when answering a question.

 

The age disparity between the two candidates in the upcoming election is significant. John McCain is 71 years old. By contrast, Barack Obama is 322 years old in dog years.

 

Q. Why did John McCain cross the road?

A. There was an Old Town Buffet on the other side.

Q, Why did Barack Obama cross the road?

A. To help the other side.

 

After Barack Obama claimed to have campaigned in 57 states, John McCain should have sent him the name of a good Alzheimer’s specialist.

 

John McCain rolled up his sleeves and went offshore in the Gulf of Mexico looking for oil for American drivers. Barack Obama responded by going to the shores of Hawaii, taking off his shirt and oiling up his torso for American soccer moms.

 

Barack Obama's camp claims that John McCain was cheating in their first forum appearance because he actually gave straight answers to the questions. Politicians aren't supposed to do that.

 

It's a hard election for conservatives this year. They'll have to hold their noses tight in order to cast a vote for John McCain. But they'll have to hold on even tighter to their wallets if Obama gets elected.

 

 

Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?

A. Because it would be racist.

 

Q. How can you tell when Obama has been smoking dope?

A. He answers the door when the phone rings.

 

Q. Why did Obama think that he had campaigned in 57 states?

A. His heavy pot use has left him a brownie short of a full pan.

 

Like any experienced Chicago politician, Obama would go the cemetary to register voters. One night he came across a grave so old and worn that he couldn't make out the name on the tombstone. The staffer holding the flashlight got impatient and suggested they just move on to the next plot. Obama angrily exclaimed, "This person has a much right to vote as anyone else here!"

 

Bill Clinton said, “I didn’t inhale.”

Barack Obama says, “I didn’t inject.”

 

Richard Nixon said “I am not a crook!”

Barack Obama says “I am not on crack!”

 

Harry Truman said, “The buck stops here!”

Barack Obama says, “Leave the bucks here!”

 

Q. What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?

A. Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears; Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.

 

Anagrams

President Barack Obama = Arab base, pink Democrat

President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbish

 

Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?

A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

 

Q. Why doesn’t Barack drink Pepsi?

A. He thinks that things go better with coke.

 

Q. Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American flag?

A. It was ours.

 

Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?

A. He thought Barry sounded too American.

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?

A: Barack Obama.

 

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in '08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.

 

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Proof that Barack is the Obamessiah

 

Obama preached to the multitude by the side of the lake.

 

Obama created new states from out of the void.

 

Obama turned whine into Kool-Aid® for his followers.

 

Obama came to us carried upon a donkey.

 

Obama triumphed over the beast, the enemy of all men.

 

Obama was stoned and yet he has risen.

 

Obama's flock has millions of sheep.

 

Obama will reign over us from a house with many rooms.

 

You must have no other candidates before Obama.

 

Obama will raise voters from the dead. Count on it.

 

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Vote for Barack Obama

 

Q. Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?

A. Because Jimmy doesn't want to be the worst President in history.

 

 

Q. Why will Senator Hillary Clinton vote for Barack Obama?

A. Because he stole the primary election fair and square.

 

Q. Why will Jane Fonda vote for Barack Obama?

A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.

 

 

Q. Why will Ho Chi Minh vote for Barack Obama?

A. Because Ho Chi Minh is dead.

 

 

Q. Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?

A. Because he's running out of George Bush jokes.

 

 

Q. Why will David Letterman vote for Barack Obama?

A. Because he's running out of Jay Leno's George Bush jokes.

 

 

Q. Why will Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?

A. Because she's running out of other crazy things to do.

 

 

Q. Why will Senator Ted Kennedy vote for Barack Obama?

A. Brain tumor.

 

 

Q. Will Senator Larry Craig vote for Barack Obama?

A. He'll stall first.

 

 

Q. How will Osama Bin Laden vote for Barack Obama?

A. Absentee ballot.

 

 

Q. Why will Bill Ayers vote for Barack Obama?

A. Bill thinks Obama's the bomb.

 

 

Q. Why will sharks vote for Barack Obama?

A. Professional courtesy.

 

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